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Wise. Warrior. Women sharing Dance of Mothers
As a couple, you should consider your feelings about children, time management skills, your finances, and your goals for the future. Ask yourself whether you like kids, whether getting pregnant would disrupt your careers and how that would make you feel, and whether you could afford a child. (Kids can be pretty expensive, even in the early years.) Are you emotionally, physically, and financially prepared to bring a baby into the world?
Another important question to ask is whether your marriage is strong enough for pregnancy and child rearing. Sometimes, couples think that a baby will solve all their problems. In reality, a baby adds stress to the relationship. A baby needs your constant care and attention, and he or she will get in the way of alone time for the couple. There will be fun and satisfying moments – when baby says his first word or falls asleep with your finger in his hand. But there will also be moments of panic – when he won't stop crying no matter what you do or when he gets his first fever. And what about a special need child or disable,... are you ready?
Your marriage must have a strong foundation before you bring another life into this world or you won't be able to handle the inevitable stress that comes with being parents. In other words, if you find yourselves bickering all the time, having a difficult time adjusting to living together, or feeling lonely or unloved, you should work on your marriage first. Once you have resolved the issues creeping up on the two of you, then you can start to think about parenthood.
Those who are ready to take the plunge have more decisions to make. When is the right time to try and conceive? Again, you must talk it out. The woman, who will be the one getting pregnant, must consider her career and if she minds taking the time off that will be required during the pregnancy and right after delivery. Whether we like to admit it or not, having kids requires some sacrifice on the part of women when it comes to their careers. You have to decide if the time is right for you. These days, even fathers are taking paternity leave; therefore, he should also think about whether he can take the time necessary to start a family.
Other things to consider are your ages, which affect fertility and the level of energy you might have for raising kids, and the woman’s health and body. Is her body healthy enough to try conceiving and to carry a pregnancy to term? These are things you should discuss as a couple with your doctor.
Parenting means being prepared for anything. You should discuss with one another what you’ll do if you end up carrying twins, being unable to conceive, having a difficult pregnancy, etc. You need to talk and listen, listen and talk. The pressure from family and friends can not get to you. In the end, the two of you have to live with your decisions. In the nicest possible way, tell everyone to essentially buzz off and leave the two of you to decide for yourselves whether children should enter your relationship.
From Wikipedia. Tun Fatimah was a well-known Malaysia Heroin and daughter to the Malaccan Bendahara who lived during the 16th century. She was married to Malacca's Sultan Mahmud Shah as one of his consorts after all her male siblings were executed. She was of a Tamil Muslim descent, her father was Tun Mutahir, a Bendahara (Prime Minister) in Sultan Mahmud's time. Tun Mutahir was the descendant of Tun Kudu and Tun Ali's marriage (Both are prominent figures in the times of Sultan Muzzafar Shah, the 5th Sultan of Malacca).
She was the first Malay woman to lead her people like a charismatic sovereign queen. It is said that the Portuguese were more afraid of the Queen than her reigning Sultan husband. She was known to help Tun Perak, a Malaccan bendahara, to lead the Malays in their fight against the invading Portuguese Forces in the early 16th century. Unfortunately, the Malays had later lost the war to the more technologically powerful Portuguese army. According to Malaysian historians it was a sly foreign Datuk of Malacca who gave out the secrets to them to conquer the city, and thus had eventually made the Malays lost their control of it. Perhaps the fall of Malacca is also partly due to the Sultan's cruelty. When Malacca fell to Portugal in 1511, it seemed that it was mainly Tun Fatimah's work that expanded the new Malay Johore-Riau from Johore and the Riau islands to parts of Sumatera and Borneo. The Malaccan Sultan's power was almost restricted to a figurehead. Tun Fatimah created an alliance with neighbouring kingdoms by letting her children marry the royal families of Aceh, Minangkabau and Borneo.